I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
