I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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