she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
