We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
