I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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