Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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