He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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