She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
