Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
