sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
