It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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