wrigley field is MILF paradise
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
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