There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
did you just send me my own nude
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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