I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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