fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
