no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
