It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
