I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
