Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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