I didn't shave. On purpose
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
