Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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