"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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