If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
