remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
