Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
