We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize