make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
