She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize