I cockslap morals
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize