I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
