i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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