He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
