Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Drunk is not a location!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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