i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
