Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
