I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
