You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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