Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
