just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Never let your siblings swipe right.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
