So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
