I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
