Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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