ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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