the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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