he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
