An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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