WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
