Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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