I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
