i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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