I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
