how do flat chested girls get laid?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
