The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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