Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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