Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
