So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
