i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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