I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize