I just cut my nipple shaving
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
