I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
