she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
