I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It was like getting head from an anaconda
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
