I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
